Practicing Self-Love Can Sometimes Feel Stressful
Practicing Self-Love Can Sometimes Feel Stressful: Don’t Turn Self-Love into a “Should”
When it comes to the word “should,” there is a very fine line between motivating and sabotaging ourselves. Have you ever thought something along the lines of, “I should be more self-loving! I shouldn’t feel this way!”?
I can feel the constriction of these statements as I type them out. There is no room for growth or expansion when we start ‘shoulding’ all over ourselves. Self-love is giving ourselves the space to accept the fullest expression of ourselves—all parts, not just the pretty lovable ones—without judgment. When we start ‘shoulding,’ we are judging.
The Trap of “Shoulding” in Self-Love
Like me, you have probably read a lot of material on self-love. You have probably watched videos and read numerous books emphasizing the importance of taking care of yourself. You feel the desire to love and understand yourself, but something isn’t quite right. You find that the more you try to love yourself, the more unhappy you are.
Maybe you find yourself being ‘hard’ on yourself about old mistakes and possibly telling yourself, “I should let this go and just move on. I should be more forgiving.” You might even compare some of your habits with others on the same path and feel miserable as a result, realizing that you are not as “self-loving” as they are.
These are perfect examples of falling into the trap of making self-love a ‘should,’ a duty, more of a burden, something to mark off your to-do list, and this restricts your ability to truly grow.
So What Do We Do if Self-Love is Becoming a Burden?
The answer is to take a step back, pause, and be gentle. Give yourself space— as much space as you need to feel, to explore, to develop, without judgment. Lean into self-compassion practices as you learn how to become a safe space for all of yourself.
Practical Steps to Avoid Turning Self-Love into a “Should”:
Pause and Reflect
Whenever you catch yourself using ‘should,’ take a moment to pause and reflect. Ask yourself why you feel this way and if it’s truly serving your growth.
Practice Self-Compassion
Embrace self-compassion practices. Be kind and understanding towards yourself, especially when you make mistakes. Acknowledge your feelings without judgment.
Create Space for Authenticity
Give yourself permission to be authentic. Accept all parts of yourself, including the shadows and imperfections. Recognize that self-love includes embracing your whole self.
Avoid Comparisons
Remember that everyone’s journey is unique. Avoid comparing your progress with others. Focus on your personal growth and celebrate your individual journey.
Mindful Self-Care
Engage in self-care practices mindfully, not as a duty. Choose activities that genuinely nourish your body, mind, and soul. Listen to your needs and honor them.
Embrace Your Unique Journey
Remember, there is no one-size-fits-all approach to self-love. Everyone’s journey is unique to them. There is no finish line; self-love is a journey, not a destination.
Ready to deepen your self-love journey and embrace your authentic self?
Join the Soul Embodiment Community for continuous support and guidance, its free. If you’re ready for a profound transformation, explore the Soul Embodiment Mentorship. Or schedule a 1:1 session with me today.
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