4 ways to love yourself more.
Learning How to Love Yourself: A Real Journey
Learning how to love yourself can be pretty freaking challenging. I’m going to be real here.
While many books, speakers, and teachers depict a glow around self-love … that only occurs AFTER you have gone through the down-and-dirty inner work and soul-healing. After you have danced with your shadows, then do you emerge with your gifts and that golden afterglow.
How Can You Learn How to Love Yourself More?
When you feel like there are literally parts within you at war with each other?
When your environment is toxic and depressing?
When you have no positive role models?
When people label you as selfish and neglectful?
While I don’t know all the answers, I have experimented a lot with myself, worked through a lot of my own trauma, and helped others do the same.
What is Self-Love?
Simply put, self-love is the forgiveness, acceptance, and respect for all of you, your beautiful and flawed parts included. Self-love is the pathway to living a Soul-led life, a life that is rooted in compassion, confidence, curiosity, courage, connectedness, calm centered peace, and inner freedom.
When you love yourself, your happiness, health, and fulfillment are all of importance because you realize that without loving yourself, you will never be able to genuinely love others.
When you love yourself, you take care of yourself, you honor your limitations, you listen to your needs, and you respect your dreams enough to act on them.
Contrary to popular belief, learning how to love yourself isn’t new age woo-woo – it is actually one of the smartest decisions you can make in your life. The reality is that most people are afraid of being truly happy: they prefer comfort, stability, security, and the safety of the known.
For most of us, self-love is not something that comes naturally; it will take some work, a whole lot of trust, and perseverance.
The important thing here is to embed self-love deeply into your journey. Then, when the time comes and you’re challenged, you’ll be able to practice mindfulness and awareness. Instead of getting swept up, you’ll be capable of practicing self-compassion, curiosity, and staying centered. Instead of neglecting yourself and your body, you’ll know when to practice self-care.
Four Ways to Love Yourself More
Be Your Own Best Friend
If most of us spoke to others the way we spoke to ourselves, we would have no friends! You are with yourself 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. You are with yourself through all the glory and all the pain. Doesn’t it make sense to be best friends with yourself? Wouldn’t that make your life so much easier?
To practice self-love, it is important for us to consciously change our relationships with ourselves, and treat ourselves with compassion and consideration just as we would with a best friend.
So my question for you is this: how close are you with yourself? Do you give yourself pep talks as a best friend would? Do you treat yourself to fun and exciting activities you love? Are you there to hold your own hand when things get messy?
2. Change the Way You Perceive Your Flaws
Instead of seeing your guilt, jealousy, anger, fear, and sadness as terrible, see them as opportunities to grow and expand. Realize that everyone struggles with these emotions. We ALL feel insecure at times, and that’s perfectly OK.
Instead of getting upset, why not see this as an opportunity to better understand yourself and to grow? See what happens when you start perceiving your imperfection as an opportunity to explore. See what happens when you meet inner challenges with gratitude.
3. Learn the Art of Self-Care
Most of us are terribly disconnected from our bodies, minds, hearts, and souls. We live in a world that encourages us to be externally-focused and outwardly driven. But learning how to love yourself is about going in the opposite direction and taking some of your energy and directing it inwards.
There are endless ways to practice self-care. I recommend starting with your body. Spend time each day connecting with your physical body and explore what you need. Perhaps you are tired and need more sleep, maybe your muscles ache and you need to do some stretches, or you might even need a healthy nutritious meal.
These practices may seem simple, but they send a very direct and powerful message to your conscious and unconscious mind that you are worthy of being cared for!
4. Be Your Own Advocate
Being your own advocate means exploring what your needs are and respecting them, which is a form of self-love. What is a deal-breaker in your life? What are your values? What are your boundaries?
In order to be your own advocate, you need to explore what is making you feel unhappy, depressed, or overwhelmed in your life. What lines are being crossed? In which areas do you feel used or taken for granted? What makes you feel unsafe? You might like to explore these questions in your journal.
Healthy assertiveness is about honoring yourself while at the same time being respectful towards others. Some mantras or affirmations that you might like to repeat to yourself to practice healthy assertiveness include:
“I respect my needs”
“I allow myself to say no clearly and respectfully”
“I honor my needs, values, and feelings always”
“I create clear and consistent boundaries that protect my energy”
These tips are just a start, this is your journey, and there is no one like you out there, so be curious and start exploring YOU!
Need more assistance or ready to dive in deeper? Join the Soul Embodiment Community for real, deep connection and support. Ready to dive in and go all in for a deep transformation? Explore the Soul Embodiment Mentorship, or for a taste of the magic, schedule a 1:1 session with me today.
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