Have you ever told yourself, "It's not that bad" or "Just focus on the good?" I know I have. What I didn't realize was that by adhering to "positive vibes only," I was actually gaslighting myself. I wasn't allowing myself to feel my pain; I was trying to bypass it by telling myself to focus on the good, as if it wasn't that bad.

This realization marked a turning point in my self-healing journey. Today, I want to dive deep into self-gaslighting: what it is, why we do it, the harm it causes, and how to overcome it through inner exploration.

What is Self-Gaslighting?

Self-gaslighting is when you manipulate yourself into doubting or dismissing your feelings, thoughts, or experiences. It's like lying to yourself about what you're really going through.

Common phrases include:

• "I'm overreacting; it's not that serious."

• "I should be grateful; others have it worse."

• "I'm just being too sensitive."

These statements invalidate your authentic experiences and can lead to confusion and disconnection from your true self.

Why Do We Self-Gaslight? The Connection with Toxic Positivity

The root cause of self-gaslighting often lies in fear or discomfort with our emotions. This is exacerbated by a societal trend known as "toxic positivity."

1. Fear of Negative Emotions: We might self-gaslight to avoid facing painful feelings, thinking that acknowledging negative emotions is a sign of weakness or failure.

2. The Toxic Positivity Movement: The "positive vibes only" mantra leads many to suppress authentic feelings, suggesting that negative emotion is bad or undesirable.

3. Social Pressure and Judgment: Society celebrates constant happiness and success, driving us to gaslight ourselves, fearing judgment.

4. Influence of Social Media: Social media's idealized portrayals further pressure us to deny or minimize our struggles.

5. Impact on Healing and Growth: This behavior might bypass critical aspects of healing, stunting our emotional and spiritual growth, and even affecting physical well-being.

The Dangers of Self-Gaslighting

Self-gaslighting can lead to:

1. Emotional Stunting: By denying feelings, we limit our emotional growth and authenticity.

2. Relationship Challenges: Lack of honesty with ourselves leads to misunderstandings and conflicts.

3. Mental Health Struggles: Suppressing emotions can result in anxiety, depression, and other mental health issues.

4. Spiritual Growth Inhibition: It hinders our connection to our true selves, limiting spiritual development.

5. Physical Health Effects: Constant suppression of emotions can take a toll on physical health.

6. Obstacle to Authentic Desires: It disconnects us from understanding our real needs and wants, affecting life decisions.

My Personal Realization

I found myself trapped in self-gaslighting through my adherence to the "positive vibes only" mentality. This realization was not immediate, nor was it comfortable. It required deep inner exploration and a willingness to confront painful truths.

At first, the idea of focusing only on the good felt empowering. It seemed like a pathway to happiness, a way to transcend negativity and embrace a joyful existence. But in time, I began to recognize the insidious nature of this approach.

By denying myself the right to feel pain, fear, doubt, or any emotion deemed "negative," I was bypassing critical aspects of healing and growth. The insistence on positive vibes became a shield, a barrier that kept me from facing what was really going on within me.

There were moments of genuine struggle where I would chastise myself for feeling down or anxious. Phrases like "It's not that bad" or "Just focus on the good" became internal mantras that silenced my authentic feelings.

The loss was profound. I was disconnected from parts of myself that needed attention and compassion. The empty space where self-understanding and acceptance should have lived was filled with confusion and superficial positivity.

My journey towards recognizing and overcoming self-gaslighting was a path paved with self-awareness, honest reflection, and a commitment to honoring all parts of myself. It required me to break free from the toxic positivity movement, to understand that healing isn't about bypassing pain but embracing it.

I learned to validate my emotions, to listen to what they were telling me, and to engage in practices that fostered genuine self-acceptance. It wasn't about "positive vibes only"; it was about whole, authentic vibes, a true reflection of my complex, multifaceted self.

This was a turning point in my healing journey, a transformation from self-denial to self-love. And perhaps, if my story resonates with you, it might inspire your transformation too.

How to Recognize and Overcome Self-Gaslighting

A Self-Reflection Questionnaire

Ask yourself:

• Do I often dismiss my feelings as "not a big deal"?

• Do I feel guilty for having negative emotions?

• Do I avoid discussing my true feelings with others?

• Have I ignored my own needs to please others?

• Do I compare my emotional state to others’ idealized social media lives?

If you answered 'yes' to any of these, you might be self-gaslighting. Overcoming it involves:

• Embracing Your Feelings: Recognize all emotions as valid.

• Seeking Professional Support: Therapy or soul coaching can guide you.

• Practicing Mindfulness: Engage in activities like meditation to foster self-awareness.

Self-gaslighting is more than just denying our feelings. It's a subtle, often unconscious way we betray ourselves, aligning with societal pressures and toxic positivity. Understanding and recognizing this pattern is the first step toward healing. It's a challenging journey, but one filled with growth, authenticity, and a reconnection with our true selves.

If you recognize any of these signs in yourself and feel ready to explore this complex aspect of self-awareness further, I invite you to join The Soul Embodiment Community and engage in deep inner exploration, and transform your life from feeling overwhelmed to empowered self-leadership and fulfillment.

Click here to learn more about the community or feel free to reach out to me directly with any questions or concerns. I'm here to support you on this beautiful and challenging journey towards self-healing.